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Re-purposed Singleton

Brandi
Feb 27, 2019
4 min read

Updated: Nov 29, 2021

Dear Lil Ole, Me ~ You are worthy.

Dear Beloved Readers ~ You are worthy.

My love life has been kind of a crime scene. The casualties are always tough, but the growth and lessons have been great for both parties. We can't force what's not meant to be ours.

Self-image is a big deal throughout life, whether we want to admit it or not. We can live in the mindset that it doesn’t matter, but it does. Not being honest about that mindset hinders us. Hindered me for many years. Only now after going through the divorce have my eyes been opened to it. That mindset realization will be daunting at first and take you down a path of frustration, self-doubt and then into a disappointed/angry at yourself phase. The important thing is to ensure you feel and work through each stage. Some may experience more or less than I did but with each passing feel, be sure to FEEL/EMBRACE it. That's the only way to heal and move past them. You can distract yourself with someone or something else, but it won't last and will not make you better for it. Do yourself the favor and process as you need too. Eventually you'll shave your legs again, cut your hair cute and make plans to roll forward with gratitude. We are stronger than what ninja negativity comes at us.

I would constitute the divorce as my second big failure. The first was the typical debit adventure in my 20's. That's a future blog...stay tuned in...

Admitting this failure is very raw, real and healing. I pray that you see this for the encouraging light it is meant to be.

With this wild experience comes strength wisdom and beauty.

We have this idea of love/romance is to us. I think it's great to have ideals. It gives us something to shoot towards. Far too many don't feel we deserve that entire list we've created. Well, I am here to tell you - we all deserve to be treated well, with respect & compassion. It's always fascinating to me how easily it's forgotten - trust and respect are to be earned and given to be received in return. Don't sell yourself short (even if you physically are as I am).

There have been relationships I've viewed from the outside looking in and thought, "how does one put up with all that?". Fast forward to my marriage and past relationships and dun...dun...dun... we accept what we feel we deserve. We deserve more and will get more. It's up to us to express what more we desire. I can't tell you how to get there but only can share my tools (at the bottom of this entry) that helped me to grow in that realization personally.

Guard your heart. We are only given one. If you have children, be sure to guard theirs also. You are their shield currently. Don't use them as a weapon. They are to not feel the negative ripples if possible. They will already struggle with the loss/change. My favorite tool to guard against this was given to me months later, during the Friend of the Court hearing. It's free and every parent should read this as we all disagree from time to time and can agree, our children "Deserve to write their own childhood story, not their parents".

Surround yourself with an amazing supportive pack of family and friends. It's amazing the folks who fall away during these times and those who shine as you need of them. Those who shine are precious and let them know that. They will be your key to healing and survival. If you feel there isn't anyone to turn too, there are amazing resources at your local spiritual groups/communities around you. They will appear upon your need for them. Don't turn away, embrace them.

Be careful what you define in life as love. Society is tricky/influential and will encourage us to expect perfect when we aren't Wonder Woman/Superman.

Song: Kacey Musgraves: Wonder Woman

"But, baby, I ain't Wonder Woman,

I don't know how to lasso the truth out of you,

Don't you know I'm only human?

And if I let you down, I don't mean to,

All I need is a place to land

I don't need a Superman to win my lovin'

'Cause, baby, I ain't Wonder Woman."

You don't know how to fly, no mmh

That's okay, neither do I."

The main thing is we are healed and whole. We want to be able to give 100% because we are 100% personally. Sure, we are always a work in progress. That's the beautiful thing about life. Just be sure not to look for your own happiness in someone else's light. This is my truth and my healing self-image mindset ah, ha moment. What will yours be?

"All that you seek is already within you." Ram Dass

Fun Details to Explore:

Love

/ləv/

noun

noun: love; plural noun: loves